The Two Stages of Shutdown (And Why Most People Miss the Second)
You’ve probably seen it happen.
A child is halfway through answering you, then suddenly goes still.
A teenager at the dinner table drops their gaze, shoulders sag, and it’s like they’ve disappeared.
Or an adult mid-conversation just… folds inward, their words slowing until they stop.
We tend to think this is “freeze” — that moment when fear or stress locks the body in place. But neuroscience now shows that what we casually call freeze is actually two distinct stages.
And if you miss the second one, you’ll miss the key to helping someone recover.
Stage One: The Active Freeze
In the first stage, the body is still on high alert. Heart rate is up, breathing is shallow, muscles are tight. It’s a kind of bracing — a pause before deciding whether to fight or run.
In children, you might see this as stiff posture, clenched jaw, or fixed, wide eyes. They are still “in the game” even if they are not moving.
This stage can last seconds or minutes. Then, if the nervous system decides escape is impossible and fighting is too risky, it triggers the second stage.
Stage Two: Dorsal Vagal Shutdown
This is where most people — even many professionals — get it wrong.
In shutdown, the body moves into conservation mode. Heart rate slows. Blood pressure drops. Muscles lose tone. The mind can fog over or drift entirely.
For a child, this can look like slumping, going floppy, leaning on a desk, or even appearing tired. It is not defiance. It is not daydreaming. It is biology taking them offline to protect them.
This is the nervous system’s equivalent of playing dead in the wild. And until that system feels safe again, no amount of prompting will bring them back.
Why This Matters
If you treat shutdown like stubbornness or laziness, you risk pushing someone further into it. That is why saying “Come on, try harder” or “You’re not even listening” usually makes the freeze deeper.
Instead, you have to build a bridge back to safety before you ask for action.
What Helps Someone Out of Shutdown
Notice the signs early
Look for the moment posture changes, eyes glaze, or voice goes flat. That is your signal they’re slipping into stage two.Lower the perceived threat
Speak softly, give space, and remove any sense of rush. Your calm is the safety signal their body needs.Offer connection without pressure
Try “I’m here with you” or “We can just sit for a moment.” Human presence is more regulating than instructions.Wait for the return
Only when posture lifts, eyes focus, and voice steadies is the system ready to re-engage.
If This Is You
Adults shut down too. If you find yourself going still, foggy, or limp when stress peaks, you’re not broken — your body learned this was the safest way to survive.
The good news is that you can retrain your system. Not by “pushing through” but by learning to read your own states and climb the ladder back to safety.
That’s the work I do through the STILL Method. It’s a structured way of working with the body’s logic instead of against it.
If you’d like to understand it better, you can read more about the approach here: About the STILL Method
